Whammo!

 

The funny thing about expat life is that there is a constant reset button being pushed on your life.  You think you have your feet firmly under you and then Whammo! Things change:  Small things, big things, good things, bad things, homecomings, departures, friends coming, friends going.  I've been philosophically thinking that this kind of life is going to offer me a lesson in rolling with the punches....and generally speaking, I've never been very good at that.  I like to plan and prepare, and the surprise aspect of Whammo! doesn't leave a lot of room for either of those things.   It's important to note that I  don't always handle change with grace and dignity.  Crying and screaming and sulking aren't particularly graceful, are they?  So.  Life lesson for this fall: Learning to not look too far ahead and enjoying the life that exists right now.
Part of this post comes from the fact that we went home to America for the summer and came home to (in some ways) a very different landscape.  We see empty spaces where dear friends were, and we watch as other friends prepare to say goodbye.  On the other hand we see welcome new faces coming in and see a new beginning unfolding.  As I say, the expat life is one that is built on the unifying force of transition.
Transition is a word used often over here - it describes the in-between state of change that you live in as you move your headspace, literally and figuratively, from one place to another.  Jetlag Transition. We have been home for two weeks and I think we are finally turned around.  To go from a body time of 12am to 12pm in 36 hours of travelling and expecting to cope with it comes with very real physical drawbacks.  Though we were normalizing after a few days, it takes nearly two weeks to work out all the kinks.   Culture clash Transition.  We are putting on our Indonesian eyes (as opposed to the American eyes that we wore all summer), and it can be hard to shift from one to the other easily.  You have to adjust expectations and remember the things that you love most from each place (and believe me this goes for transition to and from both countries) so you don't end up angry and irritated all the time.  End of summer Transition.  As I write this - we are grappling with the end of our summer freedom.  School has started and it looks quite different from last year.  There are positives and negatives and we just have to wait out the introductory weeks, accustom ourselves to a new schedule and new expectations, and fall into the school routine.
Hmmmm.... the whole reason I started writing this post was to talk about how the expat life is one of constant change but honestly, I suppose that's true across the board.  I've had a lot of conversations lately, with people in every situation from America to Indonesia and all places in between about one's ability to "control" the circumstances of your life.  Illusion.  Damned comforting illusion, but still illusion.  So you open your eyes and are aware of all the lurking changes that have come, and will come, and you get on with it.  Getting on with it means doing things for the joy of it.   Enjoying the moments you have without thinking about what next. Making sure you explore the opportunities today has, because tomorrow can look very different.

A love letter to Bali

 

 For the rest of my life I will have Frangipani blossoms and scent as the simplest and most complete memory of Bali.  They fall off the tree and drift down all during the day and evening and their smell is a low sweet constant.  You tuck one behind one ear, one behind the other.  Your kids wear them as pixie hats, and spend hours swimming and collecting them to build flowery altars to the perfect day.

 

It's a place where you go and have a different experience every time.  There are the beautiful volcanic highlands, jungles full of gnarled trees and liana vines, lush rice paddies and the water canals that support them, the beaches which can be sandy or rocky cliffs, and the bright tourist shopping areas with very western food, clothing, and attitude.  On one hand, one can go for a relaxing and beautiful beach trip with all the amenities, on the other, one can head into the center of the island and find temples, monkeys, and a wild secret beauty. 

 

 

The thing that ties it all together in my mind is the beautiful mystery that is Balinese spirituality - an interesting combination of Hinduism, Buddhism, and animism.  Offerings are found everywhere, from the sidewalk to the dashboard of a car, at the cashier desk in the store to the temple.  This is the visible thread of Balinese devotion that you feel everywhere.  In Bali, the people strive for balance, good and evil, demons and gods, and they live their religion as they breathe through their daily lives.  One is moved to please the gods through music (like gamelon, an amazing percussive tonal display), dancing, and drama.  It makes for a culture that offers great beauty to the onlooker, and it is shared freely.

I will totally admit to you that this particular trip was not a pursuit of deeper spiritual enlightening.  I have also never read Eat, Pray, Love.  I went for a beautiful weekend of delightful friends and food and swimming and ease, but you can't help but observe the very real beauty of and the earthy connection to some deeper mystery.  Perhaps a connection to a life that is lived in the beauty and the danger of paradise.

Bali Again?!?! A Justification

So, sometimes my facebook feed may look a little self indulgent.   Selfies on a coastal cliff;  Hat, Sunglasses, and the perfect Frangipani blossom.  And I often wonder if people at home look at that and say, Aaargh!  Those jerks!  Bali again? Ugh.
Ok.  Yes.  We are fully embracing the ability to travel and see the world.  It's why we came.  But I'll also tell you that life in camp can be pretty confining.  You can't really separate your work life, your school life, your public face, your private challenges from the rest of camp.  In a sense here, it is "love me for EXACTLY who I am", warts and all, because you are going to see each aspect of me, good and bad, and you are going to have to tolerate it. In a way it's rather freeing, in another it can get a little raw and overexposed. 
So you balance yourself out with travel and broad horizons.  This weekend's broad horizon happened to be in Bali, and yes, with lots of lovely familes from our expat comminity in Rumbai,who we begin to consider a large extended family.  Does that seem counter-intuitive?  Hell, maybe we were just looking to go and have a really fun party in Bali.  That seems reasonable too.
But I find I have come home with a clearer head on my shoulders.  A better view of what life is all about here in camp.  And a much more patient attitude toward the small challenges.  Like the absence of bacon... Did I mention that Bali is a paradise of pork and pork products?

Sharing the Experience: Javanese Tea Party

A very overdue post that I wasn't going to put up, but realized that the pictures and the experience were so lovely, it would be a shame not to share.  I was fortunate enough to be invited to a formal Javanese Tea held here in camp in early December.  It was an extraordinary and beautiful experience.  I've been pretty bad about writing these posts and not including pictures, but I can't do that for this tea. I've spent many hours upgrading, moving, cloud-ing, and forcing myself to get pictures in a place that is easy to post. Obviously,  I very much want to convey to you the beauty of the day and of the women attending, the graciousness of our lovely hostess,  the gorgeous display of food, and the blooming orchids everywhere.  It's too much for my vocabulary.... Pictures should help a lot.

 My friend Zineb and I with our lovely hostess, Meike Harris.

 I look like a tourist, but the traditional dancers are so beautiful and it feels so special to be able to meet them and have a picture made.

 Even the littles enjoyed the tea!

 Gorgeous plantings everywhere.

 Orchids hanging from all the walls and overhangs.

 Grass jelly in coconut milk.  Deelicious.  Cool and gelatinous.

 

 So many foods and delicious garnishes.  Peanuts and chiles and fried shallots and sambals.

 Trying on many different styles of sarong tying.

 Beautiful dancing.

 This is a version of gado-gado. Lightly cooked vegetables and tofu served with rice and a spicy peanut sauce.

 Sweets made of glutinous rice flour and cassava flour.  Sprinkled with coconut.  Delicious. Banana leaves make lovely and biodegradable plates.

Terima kasih! A belated Thanksgiving Thank You!

Thank you Rumbai Camp.  Thank you for friends who have opened their hearts, homes, and kitchens to us.  Thank you for sympathy, guidance and understanding.  Thank you for loving my children and treating them as your own.  Thank you for random advice that turns out to be exactly what we need.    Thank you for a school and a staff that is unparalleled in their excitement and pleasure in teaching and learning together. Thank you for jungle walks. Thank you for the musang in my attic. (More or less. Better than a snake.) Thank you for parties and stories that will last a lifetime.  Thank you for shaving your mustaches.  Thank you for gibbons singing in the trees.  Thank you for baby kitties that are loved and nurtured and adopted.  Thank you for days of rain and gorgeous sunsets.  Thank you for batik and fabric shops.  Thank you for rainbows. Thank you for the freedom to not know where my kid is and be ok with that.  Thank you for coconut. Thank you for Pete and his Rock and Roll friends. Thank you for back patios. Thank you for black langur, slinky monkeys. Thank you for $80, 10 pound turkeys imported from America. Thank you to Ibu Lena who just fried up some plantains, coated them in coconut and brought me a snack because I'm too thin. (Bless her sweet heart.) Thank you for constant kindness and enthusiasm. Thank you for a continuing adventure.

The Band, which is likely to have an unprintable name as the rights were auctioned off to the bawdiest guy I know.  Can't wait.

The most dramatically lovely rainbow ever!

Peterovich Tsaryenko Nesterov, or Pete Nester before he shaved the 'stache.  That hairy article was auctioned off for charity and men's health and my lips are grateful.

Shopping at a fabric store can turn into a three ring circus.  Made some new friends.

Bunch of little turkeys

Beginning our weekly jungle walks and push to improve camp trails.

The fabrics will kill you.  So gorgeous you buy them all and suffocate....

Our back patio and new rattan furniture.  Handmade by Pak Rizal.  So beautiful.

The aforementioned turkey.  Turned out well...

Team America International Thankgiving hostesses.

the bigger world

One thing I do worry about here in Rumbai Camp is the ability to lose yourself in a very friendly and very comfortable version of the western world.  That said, I'm not sure I'd be able to live here with as much aplomb if I didn't have such a deeply rooted support structure. There are good friends, grey market liquor, an American school, familiar foods  (we found lentils, cannellini beans, and prunes at LuckyMart yesterday AND there are also crazy expensive turkeys flown in from Jakarta so the American contingent can have it's Thanksgiving fix,) very comfortable (air conditioned) homes, and 110 plugs.  (You laugh?  110 plugs are magical, especially after you blow up your coffee maker by attempting to plug it in a 220.) It is an incredible comfort zone, buffer zone, between us and the Indonesian world we live in.
That said, there are fairly massive cultural challenges even within this community.  I've heard myself express irritation and impatience in ways that I really hoped to avoid.  I've had a really hard time adapting to new faces and names and figuring out which goes with which.  I've tried to bite my husband when he attempts to engage me in conversational Bahasa.  Also?  There is a civet cat living in my attic and the pest control guys come by a few times a week, take away a few mice, and laugh at my inability to cope with such tiny pests (Civet cats are as big as a fat raccoon, just FYI.)  I guess I ought to just name the creature, consider him a permanent resident "pet"  and move on. 
Pete and I have a continuing conversation about not taking this move for granted and making sure we take advantage of and fully appreciate the differences.  As many of you saw, Pete was invited to dance with his Indonesian work team at a cultural event last Saturday.  He had serious dance practices leading up to it, and he had a traditional costume made and given to him.  It included a pretty awesome turban.  (Together with his Mo-vember mustache, he looked quite Turkish/Middle Eastern/French/Absurdly Tall Indonesian.) 
With the girls, absorbing a foreign culture often boils down to this paradigm: "No, it's not weird, it's different. It is interesting.  Let's find out more about it."  If our kids come home with anything, I hope it is that.  An ability to keep their minds open to new ideas and experiences, and an interest in finding out more about the world around them.  As far as this specific move goes, Clara is full of wonder over the dancers and their amazing and beautiful costumes.  Nora is thrilled with the jungle and wildlife. 
And me?  I'm eager to truly speak Bahasa.  I'm learning, and already have a lot of the important kitchen words down.  I've been working out lots of new ingredients, was thrilled when I found galangal (similar to ginger but smells more flowery.)  I'd come across it in America, but only in dried form.  I also found a chile and tamarind sambal today that I'm eager to work on - Ibu Lena laughed and looked at me speculatively and said one word: "Spicy!"  But she's learned that we are game and willing to try.     
Ibu Lena and I spent an awesome day in the kitchen today boiling down coconut oil. Her mother taught her to do it, and today she taught me.  You take the coconut meat and grate it, add a little water and then boil for a couple of hours.  The oil will rise to the surface.....  it's a cool process and smells heavenly.  The process helped me feel a real connection to this country and perhaps a deeper understanding of an Indonesian kitchen.
And so, obviously, we are having pizza for dinner......

an irritatingly philosophical birthday post

It's been a month since I posted, and in that time, I've covered a gamut of transition emotions.  I've also composed a number of mental blog posts, but I thought them up at odd hours like 3am, and never got them written down.  The first blog post was a whiny one.  It was all about the loneliness and feelings of being cut off from the rest of the world.  It also had a pretty direct correlation with being smoked in for a couple of weeks.  The next blog post was about the joys and freedom of escape and travel, about hidden temples and fantastic beaches, and coffee and spices and volcanoes: Bali. It never got written because the next one, and I'm just telling you the embarrassing truth here, was about the flight home from Bali, which was horrible.  It was also about being stuck in scary Jakarta - even if only for a few hours, and the general anger and misery that all things Indonesian evoked in the next few days after we were home. But, here we are on the other side of all that.  Right smack in the middle of school and work and friends and no more smoke and running and planning for holidays and my 41st birthday. And it feels good.
I've been thinking a lot about my twenty and thirty year old self, and wondering if she could have taken on this adventure.... and frankly, I'm not sure she could have.  She'd probably have hidden in her room and read her book; Which makes it even more amazing to actually be doing it, enjoying it, and holding the world together for our family.  Running helps.  And new friends really help.  Volunteering with community events is good.  Doing weird stuff in the kitchen too.  It's all about making a world that is safe but interesting, calm but exciting, and centered but open, all the while figuring out how you and your family fit into a new community and culture.  I wonder, does that make sense?  I'll try one more time.  It's about making a home that is comfortable and safe and "known", but allowing it to embrace the new and unusual, allowing room for new ideas and traditions and friends. I don't know if that explained it either, but i'll leave it there for now....I think I need an editor.
  My Uncle (Hi Uncle Hugh!) apparently told my mom how impressed he was at the way I was coping with the life transition to Indonesia.  After mom and I quit laughing over that remark, we realized that sometimes putting a good face on things is enough to convince you that things are good. The really embarrassing blog post, written in the midst of deep smoke and misery, was way too whiny to publish.  It was one of those that posts that discourage you from making eye contact with the author for a while afterward because you know too much about her brand of crazy.  So maybe you don't see the everyday small things that get me down.... but I can tell you that 2 months and 2 weeks in, each day gets a little more settled and a little more at home.  Conversely it also means that my world is expanding and I'm brave enough to take on a little more here and there and stretch my wings and try new things.  (As a poet, I'm on par with Dr. Seuss.)

Reboot.....I'm finishing this post a few days after I started the above.  The smoke is back.  There is jackfruit in my refrigerator that is making my world stink and I DON"T like it.  There was a big monkey tearing up my trash can this afternoon and eating a lot of gross things he found in there.  Ugh.  Additionally? I got a strep test today and am waiting on the results.  So, yeah.  What was I saying about ups and downs and handling it?  Meh... I'm still laughing and we are having satay for dinner, so the world can't be too terrible a place.
(Oh.  And did I mention that a friend is getting tested for Dengue fever?  ha ha?)