It's been a month since I posted, and in that time, I've covered a gamut of transition emotions. I've also composed a number of mental blog posts, but I thought them up at odd hours like 3am, and never got them written down. The first blog post was a whiny one. It was all about the loneliness and feelings of being cut off from the rest of the world. It also had a pretty direct correlation with being smoked in for a couple of weeks. The next blog post was about the joys and freedom of escape and travel, about hidden temples and fantastic beaches, and coffee and spices and volcanoes: Bali. It never got written because the next one, and I'm just telling you the embarrassing truth here, was about the flight home from Bali, which was horrible. It was also about being stuck in scary Jakarta - even if only for a few hours, and the general anger and misery that all things Indonesian evoked in the next few days after we were home. But, here we are on the other side of all that. Right smack in the middle of school and work and friends and no more smoke and running and planning for holidays and my 41st birthday. And it feels good.
I've been thinking a lot about my twenty and thirty year old self, and wondering if she could have taken on this adventure.... and frankly, I'm not sure she could have. She'd probably have hidden in her room and read her book; Which makes it even more amazing to actually be doing it, enjoying it, and holding the world together for our family. Running helps. And new friends really help. Volunteering with community events is good. Doing weird stuff in the kitchen too. It's all about making a world that is safe but interesting, calm but exciting, and centered but open, all the while figuring out how you and your family fit into a new community and culture. I wonder, does that make sense? I'll try one more time. It's about making a home that is comfortable and safe and "known", but allowing it to embrace the new and unusual, allowing room for new ideas and traditions and friends. I don't know if that explained it either, but i'll leave it there for now....I think I need an editor.
My Uncle (Hi Uncle Hugh!) apparently told my mom how impressed he was at the way I was coping with the life transition to Indonesia. After mom and I quit laughing over that remark, we realized that sometimes putting a good face on things is enough to convince you that things are good. The really embarrassing blog post, written in the midst of deep smoke and misery, was way too whiny to publish. It was one of those that posts that discourage you from making eye contact with the author for a while afterward because you know too much about her brand of crazy. So maybe you don't see the everyday small things that get me down.... but I can tell you that 2 months and 2 weeks in, each day gets a little more settled and a little more at home. Conversely it also means that my world is expanding and I'm brave enough to take on a little more here and there and stretch my wings and try new things. (As a poet, I'm on par with Dr. Seuss.)
Reboot.....I'm finishing this post a few days after I started the above. The smoke is back. There is jackfruit in my refrigerator that is making my world stink and I DON"T like it. There was a big monkey tearing up my trash can this afternoon and eating a lot of gross things he found in there. Ugh. Additionally? I got a strep test today and am waiting on the results. So, yeah. What was I saying about ups and downs and handling it? Meh... I'm still laughing and we are having satay for dinner, so the world can't be too terrible a place.
(Oh. And did I mention that a friend is getting tested for Dengue fever? ha ha?)
